It’s time to dispel a great myth that has swept across Hollywood. And I really feel bad for having to point it out because I thought it was self-evident, but…

Hilary Swank is not an attractive woman.

No sense getting into all the details, but let’s break it down. When someone says “Hilary Swank is an attractive woman,” they have asserted two things, both of which have to be true.

1. Hilary Swank is attractive.

Well maybe. I guess it really would depend on your perspective. As far as men go, I guess she could be considered attractive. That squarish jaw is a smidgeon soft, but she has the torso of a young boy. Maybe middle school girls would be attracted.

And I would have to admit that horses would find her attractive. Those buckteeth she has protruding from her gums are probably excellent at chomping carrots.

2. Hilary Swank is a woman.

I’m sure she would like you to believe she’s a woman, but should we really just trust her? As stated above, her boyish torso raises questions about her gender and I’m not at all closing the possibility that she’s actually a horse.

Swank received an Best Actress Oscar for “Boys Don’t Cry,” where she portrayed a female pretending to be a male. But maybe she didn’t have trouble portraying a boy because she is one! And in fact, if she’s been living her life as a woman, she’s also familiar with being transgender. Maybe instead of being awarded the “Best Actress” she should have been awarded “Best Portrayal of Self.”

Hilary Swank is not an attractive woman!

Even if we assume that one of these things are true, they are mutually exclusive. Either she’s attractive, she’s a woman, or she’s neither. Sorry to all of you that have been mislead.

And just in case Hilary Swank ever reads this, I will conclude with something she may understand…

HEE-HAW!

WWE issued a press release today announcing that Smackdown is officially moving to MyNetworkTV.

I’m sure lots of other people will either proclaim this as the end of WWE, the salvation of MyNetworkTV, or as an indictment on society because another station picked them up. Here are my instant thoughts.

First off, who even realized they had MyNetworkTV? I’ve had it ever since the WB merged with UPN. The local UPN channel became CW and the local WB eventually became MyNetworkTV. Not that I ever watched it. I barely even knew it was a network. In fact, I’m still not convinced it’s a network.

I went to the MyNetworkTV website, and apparently they have a few shows they carry. Most of them look like the standard fare you’ll find playing in syndication during lame timeslots. You know, silly videos of drag cars bursting into flames or gossip shows talking about celebrities. The only thing that looks remotely original is Paradise Hotel 2. Of course even that’s not original as it is a remake of a British show. Not only that, but it’s a remake that started on FOX and has jumped networks for season two. So they have that stuff…and now WWE.

End of the day, it’s a step back for the WWE, but it’s still better than being broadcast on Sci-Fi.

Speaking of, WWE’s ECW is currently airing on Sci-Fi for the next 35 or so minutes. Enjoy!

Today, I discovered the wonder that is Pandora Radio. How I did not find it sooner I will never know. Basically, it allows you to create a station that you seed with artists and songs you like. From that, it plays songs that are similar and adapts to your tastes through a thumbs up or down system.

I quickly began to wonder what kind of results I would get if I put two wildly different artists in and then played the results. So, I added Black Sabbath and dc Talk. The comedic potential was high, but I couldn’t force myself to stop there. Soon everything from t.A.T.u. to the Numa Numa song to Jim Nabors was being added.

I now present to you, for the first time anywhere, the first ten tracks from Clusterfuck Radio:

1. Anthony Evans – “Even More”
2. Thirsty Merc – “I Wish Somebody Would Build a Bridge”
3. Boys Like Girls – “Five Minutes to Midnight”
4. The Lilac Time – “Dreaming”
5. Right Said Fred – “Don’t Talk, Just Kiss”
6. Leila K. – “Ca Plane Pour Moi”
7. Information Society – “Peace & Love, Inc.”
8. Bad Religion – “Against the Grain”
9. The Misfits – “Braineaters”
10. The Casualties – “Police Brutality”

If you’d like to listen to Clusterfuck Radio, you can find it at http://www.pandora.com/stations/583b7d92251152cf3cd6c2d057117e8368f6545495cedc47.