Without further ado, errorlesss.com is pleased to bring you a new feature: errorless.com mail!

It’s powered by Gmail, the best mail client out there. You get around 6GB (and growing!) of space at the time of this post.

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Stay tuned. There’s work going on behind the scenes at errorlesss.com even if it’s not showing up on the front page.

Of course I’m not the greatest graphics designer in the world, but I try my best. And that’s why I created this “McCainiac” shirt. I’ve thrown them up on Spreadshirt for anyone that may be interested in purchasing one.

Don’t let Hilrod or the Obamanation job us out! Get a shirt and back the Mac! (And help introduce Osama bin Laden to The Undertaker.)

This shirt was inspired by John McCain’s appearance on WWE Raw:

Purchase a McCainiac shirt at: http://errorlesss.spreadshirt.com/

Hilary Swank is not an attractive woman.

No sense getting into all the details, but let’s break it down. When someone says “Hilary Swank is an attractive woman,” they have asserted two things, both of which have to be true.

1. Hilary Swank is attractive.

Well maybe. I guess it really would depend on your perspective. As far as men go, I guess she could be considered attractive. That squarish jaw is a smidgeon soft, but she has the torso of a young boy. Maybe middle school girls would be attracted.

And I would have to admit that horses would find her attractive. Those buckteeth she has protruding from her gums are probably excellent at chomping carrots.

2. Hilary Swank is a woman.

I’m sure she would like you to believe she’s a woman, but should we really just trust her? As stated above, her boyish torso raises questions about her gender and I’m not at all closing the possibility that she’s actually a horse.

Swank received an Best Actress Oscar for “Boys Don’t Cry,” where she portrayed a female pretending to be a male. But maybe she didn’t have trouble portraying a boy because she is one! And in fact, if she’s been living her life as a woman, she’s also familiar with being transgender. Maybe instead of being awarded the “Best Actress” she should have been awarded “Best Portrayal of Self.”

Hilary Swank is not an attractive woman!

Even if we assume that one of these things are true, they are mutually exclusive. Either she’s attractive, she’s a woman, or she’s neither. Sorry to all of you that have been mislead.

And just in case Hilary Swank ever reads this, I will conclude with something she may understand…

HEE-HAW!

Most importantly, though, he has your eternal well being at heart. It starts with a simple “Can I ask you a question?” How could you turn down a man that has been so nice to you? All he wants is to ask you a question. That’s not such a hard thing. I always give in to my friend Tony Brown. Ask away, my friend.

“Are you a Christian?”

I really believe that variety is the spice of life, so this is where I try to mix it up a little bit. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes no, sometimes maybe. Sometimes I even pick another religion and proclaim it as my own. The great thing about Tony, though, is that he doesn’t care what my answer is. He’s happy to be my friend anyway and points out that we’re all brothers and sisters in the eyes of the lord (I’ve left this uncapitalized because I’ve yet to gather the gumption to ask Tony who his lord is).

And then he offers you the opportunity to do the most Christian thing in the world…give him some money.

You see, Tony lost his job at Duke Energy Center a month an a half ago. He was evicted two weeks ago. He’s not too upset about it because he has a job interview tomorrow, which is quite the feat given the economy. The only thing is, he hasn’t eaten in two days, so he wonders if you could spare some change so he can get something to eat.

I’m a good friend of Tony’s, though, so I don’t give him any money.

If I did, what would we have to talk about?

I’m sure lots of other people will either proclaim this as the end of WWE, the salvation of MyNetworkTV, or as an indictment on society because another station picked them up. Here are my instant thoughts.

First off, who even realized they had MyNetworkTV? I’ve had it ever since the WB merged with UPN. The local UPN channel became CW and the local WB eventually became MyNetworkTV. Not that I ever watched it. I barely even knew it was a network. In fact, I’m still not convinced it’s a network.

I went to the MyNetworkTV website, and apparently they have a few shows they carry. Most of them look like the standard fare you’ll find playing in syndication during lame timeslots. You know, silly videos of drag cars bursting into flames or gossip shows talking about celebrities. The only thing that looks remotely original is Paradise Hotel 2. Of course even that’s not original as it is a remake of a British show. Not only that, but it’s a remake that started on FOX and has jumped networks for season two. So they have that stuff…and now WWE.

End of the day, it’s a step back for the WWE, but it’s still better than being broadcast on Sci-Fi.

Speaking of, WWE’s ECW is currently airing on Sci-Fi for the next 35 or so minutes. Enjoy!

One of my favorite things, though, is getting my hands on next season’s schedules as soon as I can so that I can start planning which games I’m going to make it to this year. Not to mention, since my teams have a tendency to suck, it allows me to start bitching about the man holding my team down as early as possible.

I just realized that the University of Cincinnati released its football schedule for next season. It’s a tough slate and here it is:

Aug. 28 - vs. Eastern Kentucky
Sep. 6 - at Oklahoma
Sep. 20 - vs. Miami (OH)
Sep. 27 - at Akron
Oct. 3 - at Marshall
Oct. 11 - vs. Rutgers
Oct. 25 - at Connecticut
Oct. 30 - vs. USF
Nov. 8 - at West Virginia
Nov. 14 - at Louisville
Nov. 22 - vs. Pittsburgh
Nov. 29 - vs. Syracuse
Dec. 6 - at Hawai’i

More importantly to me as a lifelong Big Blue fan, the University of Kentucky released its schedule months ago. I don’t think I need to even mention the difficulty of the SEC East. It’s a beast every year and with the senior departures from last season, I only feel comfortable projecting four wins (though I feel five is more realistic):

Aug. 30 - at Louisville
Sept. 6 - vs. Norfolk State
Sept. 13 - vs. Akron
Sept. 27 - vs. Temple
Oct. 4 - at Alabama
Oct. 11 - vs. South Carolina
Oct. 18 - vs. Arkansas
Oct. 25 - at Florida
Nov. 1 - at Mississippi State
Nov. 8 - vs. Georgia
Nov. 15 - vs. Vanderbilt
Nov. 29 - at Tennessee

Noteworthy is that the Kentucky schedule will change. Temple has backed out of the game for the second straight year and will likely be replaced by Miami (OH). I’ll keep you posted on this schedule when it changes.

I received one such joke today from Mark. It’s a pretty simple joke, but good nonetheless.

Cookies in Heaven?

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”

Enjoy. Forward if you must. Just don’t forward it to me…I already read it.

I quickly began to wonder what kind of results I would get if I put two wildly different artists in and then played the results. So, I added Black Sabbath and dc Talk. The comedic potential was high, but I couldn’t force myself to stop there. Soon everything from t.A.T.u. to the Numa Numa song to Jim Nabors was being added.

I now present to you, for the first time anywhere, the first ten tracks from Clusterfuck Radio:

1. Anthony Evans - “Even More”
2. Thirsty Merc - “I Wish Somebody Would Build a Bridge”
3. Boys Like Girls - “Five Minutes to Midnight”
4. The Lilac Time - “Dreaming”
5. Right Said Fred - “Don’t Talk, Just Kiss”
6. Leila K. - “Ca Plane Pour Moi”
7. Information Society - “Peace & Love, Inc.”
8. Bad Religion - “Against the Grain”
9. The Misfits - “Braineaters”
10. The Casualties - “Police Brutality”

If you’d like to listen to Clusterfuck Radio, you can find it at http://www.pandora.com/stations/583b7d92251152cf3cd6c2d057117e8368f6545495cedc47.

In fact, I’m sure I missed something. I focused more on eating than actually paying attention during some of the matches. But that’s okay, you still get to read my thoughts on what I caught. It’s all after the cut.

ECW Championship
C.M. Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero (c)

This was a decent match. I must admit that at the point this started, I was deep into a basket of potato wedges, so it didn’t get the attention it deserved. But at the same time, WWE surely didn’t feel it deserved that much attention. After all, this was the ECW Championship match . . . that sure sounds like a card opener to me! Hurry and get it out of the way and you can get on with the two brands the company actually cares about.

The most notable part of this match may have been Chavo Guerrero’s choice of attire. I’ve noticed that you could go all month without seeing anyone wear white gear but as soon as a pay per view rolls around, everyone is breaking out the white. This theme was repeated later in the night with Rey Mysterio’s high gloss white gear and Edge came pretty close with gray tights. The only exception for the most part is Shelton Benjamin. Shelton will wrestle in white gear regardless of the show. Nothing like treating every show like a pay per view (though I suspect this is because he rarely sniffs a pay per view paycheck).

Anyway, Chavo wins clean. I expect they’ll find some way to justify giving C.M. Punk another title shot at WrestleMania. That’s a fairly odd path to take after the heel wins clean, but really, what other face does ECW have to put up against Chavo? The only name I could come up with was Tommy Dreamer, but I can’t see that resulting in any buys. Mania could also showcase a token ECW clusterfuck. Be prepared for either.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber
Batista vs. Big Daddy V vs. Finlay vs.
The Great Khali vs. MVP vs. The Undertaker

The net’s take on this one from what I’ve seen appears to be that they would have been better off going with Batista vs. Taker in a singles match for the Mania spot since everyone else just seemed to be there to take up pods. I would probably agree if not for the fact I’m just about sick of seeing Batista / Taker matches. How many in a row did they have starting with WrestleMania XXIII? That was a terrible string of draws last year and I could really care less about seeing a singles match between the two. Adding the other four bodies and the elimination chamber at least gives you something different.

?Big Daddy V and Khali did pretty much as expected in this match. They entered as the third and fourth competitors respectively and had a few minutes to look like monsters and destroy Batista and Taker. Then they were both double teamed and eliminated in short order. Big Daddy V missed out on a great opportunity to pull a foreign object out from under one of those floppy tits of his and Khali actually tried to make a pin by hooking a leg! Seriously, it was good to see his knees bend and to see him get up off the mat.

Finlay had what I would consider a good showing with some good shillelagh shots. He almost looked like he could be a contender if ever given a push, but I’m fine with keeping him in the upper midcard. He’s always solid. MVP was pretty much punked out, but I enjoyed his tactics. Everything from trying to hold the door shut when he was to enter the ring to climbing on top of a pod and using the position to try to fight off an approaching Taker. This actually made him look smart in an elimination match where everyone else was in a hurry to get into the ring and fight. Of course it backfired when he was chokeslammed off the top of a pod, but I applaud the use of strategy.

The ending was fantastic. Literally, a Tombstone out of nowhere (a pretty remarkable feat). It’s not often you get to see a well-scripted reversal / finish like that and it was much appreciated. Honestly, I think the ending series made the match much better in my eyes. And no one can be upset when Undertaker gets a title shot at Mania.

Ric Flair vs. Mr. Kennedy

There really isn’t?a lot to say about this match. It pretty much followed the script of the other matches in Flair’s retirement storyline. Basically, Kennedy controlled much of the match and marks thought he was actually going to end Flair’s career. Then, Flair gets crafty, turns the tide at the very end, and pulls of a “surprise” win.

The problem with this philosophy? Almost no one thought Flair would be losing this match. The odds of Kennedy ending Flair’s career with WrestleMania about a month away are about the odds of?Flair’s career ending when he is?struck by lightning at this year’s outdoor Mania. The only way for me to really buy into this angle is for Flair to pull of the victory at Mania against whatever opponent is given to him. Once the big one is over, you really can’t have a good idea of when Flair will finally be put down.

My personal hope is SummerSlam, but that’s mostly for selfish?reasons as I anticipate going to that show.

World Heavyweight Championship
Rey Mysterio vs. Edge (c)

SQUASH! No big surprise here since Mysterio came up lame a couple days ago and it was more a miracle he was able to tough it out through this match than anything. He really didn’t seem to favor his injured arm, which was a pleasant surprise.

This was really a sticky situation since Edge has been built as a man that will take full advantage of an injured opponent. When Mysterio was legitimately injured, it would have been uncharacteristic for Edge to not focus on that injury. So what we have is Edge keying in on a legitimate injury, having to make it look legit, but at the same time having to be really careful not to make things worse. They pulled it off pretty well and it was probably a good thing the match ended early. They were probably running out of ways to safely focus on the arm.

The ending of the match was decent when Edge speared Mysterio mid springboard something or other. Granted, the spear looked somewhat weak (more of a catch and spinebuster, really), but at least you could believe that Mysterio’s velocity off the ropes added into the impact.

Segment: Big Show Returns

I’m so happy to see Big Show back. While I’ve never been one to jump on the bandwagon of “Show’s a fatass and sucks” (he’s supposed to be a GIANT after all . . . let the man be large), but he looked to be in great shape. Sure, it’s bad for my love of the big monster (see his run in ECW and his feud with Lesnar on?Raw prior to that), but I’m sure it’s better for his long term health.

I thought they were bringing him back as a face at first. The crowd was behind him and he seemed to be charismatic in the ring. Then out of the blue he starts throwing Mysterio around like a ragdoll. Then he taunts Floyd Mayweather with Mysterio and all hell breaks loose. I’m not sure what to think of the Mayweather / Show confrontation. When Show got on a knee and invited Mayweather to hit him . . . well, those were stiff as fuck shots from Mayweather. One of them clearly broke Show’s nose and when he took off after Mayweather, he looked legitimately angry. He trampled at least one member of Mayweather’s posse and a couple of security guards. When Shane tried to calm Show down, it was really hard to tell what was kayfabe and what was legit (a very good thing indeed).

On the whole, Show looked strong. He took about four stiff, bare-knuckled?shots from a professional boxing champion and didn’t even look knocked loopy. He was immediately on Mayweather’s heels. At the same time, Mayweather looked like a punk. He gave his shots and then took off running like a little bitch. Mayweather almost looked like the heel by the end of it. Not sure where they’re going with this, but welcome back Big Show!

WWE Championship
John Cena vs. Randy Orton (c)

A place like Buffalo Wild Wings makes you realize just how over these two guys are. Everytime the tide would turn in the match, there was literally an entire room of people jumping up and down and dancing. It was a ridiculous spectacle. And it wasn’t just kids (though I think some of the people may have been mildly retarded). There were fist pumps and high fives and everything else you wouldn’t expect to see if you weren’t at the arena.

Anyway, I thought the ending of this match was great. After a lengthy, competitive match, Randy Orton has thrown everything he has at Cena. Cena is out of the ring and Orton looks sure to win by a countout. Cena BARELY beats the 10 count (he was still down on the floor at 8). This is the point of the match where Cena dominates and wins in convincing fashion just like he’s done any number of times before. Orton’s eyes are as big as saucers after seeing he couldn’t put Cena down and Cena looks like he’s about to laugh. The title is clearly his.

?So Orton smacks the shit out of the referee. It was, without a doubt, my favorite intentional disqualification of all time. Normally DQ finishes on pay per view are just infuriating, but let’s face it . . . WrestleMania is next. The DQ clearly builds toward the main event of the biggest pay per view of the year, so how can we complain? Cena has a great case to be in the main event, so bank on a triple threat.

Raw Elimination Chamber
Jeff Hardy vs. JBL vs. Chris Jericho vs.
Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H vs. Umaga

This was probably the match of the night. You have four men that are capable of bringing a good match under just about any set of circumstances. Then you throw in a couple of heels that specialize in brawling environments such as the elimination chamber. You really only need halfway decent booking to make this match come off well. We got what I would deem above average booking so . . . duh, good match.

Most impressively, we had five out of six men in the ring before we got to the first elimination. Not to mention, Umaga really brought it when he entered the match. He did a really good job throughout the match of playing with his character and showing his style to work in the environment. When it was time for him to open the match, he acted as if he couldn’t figure out how to exit the pod. Then, through all the brutality he unleashed, he never went for the pin. It really seemed as if he was only there to kick some ass.

If I have one gripe about the booking, it’s the rushed way in which it ended. Once the eliminations started, they came in rapid succession and we were quickly down to Triple H and Hardy. Did something run over earlier in the night? Why were we so close to the 11:00 PM cutoff? Thankfully, when we got down to the two, the booking was well done. Going in, I thought for sure Triple H would win and, while he did, there were a few moments there at the end where I actually thought they were going to pull the trigger and let Hardy win. Props to the ‘E for that.

Overall, I felt it was a very good show. It was much better than many efforts I’ve actually shelled out to watch. The Elimination Chamber matches worked so well that I nearly forgot about the sickness I felt over the Royal Rumble outcome.

Almost forgot, but not quite.

For now, those of you not familiar with who I am and what I’m about, direct yourself to the About page at the top of this screen. It’s still a work in progress, but it’ll get you started. There will be more to come shortly.

And for those wondering, this is not a Buckeyes blog. I don’t like them and the color scheme is merely coincidental.